Negative emotions: how to manage by NLP ?

The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self-Not Just Your “Good” Self-Drives Success & Fulfilment, by Todd Kashdan, is my favourite book on the subject of Negative Emotions. It challenges the notion that anger, guilt, regret, anxiety, melancholy, and other unpleasant emotions have no place in a “happy” life and does a good job of illuminating the science behind embracing negative emotions. In reality, you may use these bad feelings as fuel to become a braver, more compassionate, more powerful, and more emotionally intelligent person.

1. I consider unpleasant feelings to be a signal from within that something needs to change in my environment. This might be the case for various reasons:
2. I believe I am in danger; there is a danger, and I am in agony or discomfort.
3. My values have been violated by a decision that has been made.
4. In a broader sense, something is going on that doesn’t in any way advance my wellbeing.

All of this seems quite rational, but it’s not always the case.NEURO LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING Reality testing is the capacity to maintain objectivity, so you can precisely recognise emotions and deal with what is causing them. It is one of the indicators of emotional intelligence. You may or may not make an appropriate judgement depending on where you fall on the Reality Testing marker continuum. Therefore, it’s possible that occasionally I imagine myself to be in danger when I’m not.

In my experience, erroneous perception is more likely to occur when/if

• I’ve had trouble sleeping.
• I’m ovulating.
• I have a trigger from my youth.
• I am affected by times in my life when I suffered for extended periods of time. This discomfort could have been brought on by my own actions or by the actions of another.
• What enables me to navigate all of the above is my ongoing investment in NLP and personal development.

Given that my reality testing score is pretty high, I could indulge in a little “modest boast” here about my EQ scores. Unfortunately, my lower impulse control score presents me with difficulties. This means that a combination of coping mechanisms and knowledge of how my body and brain react to agitation prevents me from responding impulsively.

When the area of the brain in charge of processing emotions essentially shuts down the logical section of the brain and takes control, this is referred to as an “emotional hijacking.” Depending on what sets off this hijacking and who you are, fear (phobia, anxiety, panic attack) or anger are the outcomes (agitation, anger, rage). Anger is my go-to negative emotion of choice. Everything that triggers an emotional hijacking ultimately contains “fear” or “danger” at its core. What is your default bad feeling? Maybe it would be beneficial for you to think about this.

The 4 F’s of trauma, which are also pertinent here, will be discussed. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

• Fighting: Taking action to remove the threat
• Flight: Flying away from danger
• Freeze: the inability to move.
• Fawn-Appeasing the threat’s creator.

I have complete flexibility and can complete all four.

I created a negative emotion NLP technique for myself a while back, and it worked wonders for me. Since then, I’ve successfully taught it to some of my clients. When developing the approach, I wanted to have a quick fix for circumstances where I felt my negative emotions turning up. Not necessarily going from a zero to a ten emotionally, but enough that I might say or do something that I would later regret, or that someone who doesn’t know me or has the right background might find inappropriate or irrational.

The following presuppositions (underlying assumptions assumed to be true) are necessary for the technique:

1. I think my genetic makeup and life circumstances have given me a dark side.
2. Fighting, running, freezing, and fawning are all taught behaviours.
3. I can unlearn and relearn, but until I do, I probably won’t stop acting like a grown-up version of my 3-year-old self.
4. I can feel accurate even though my thoughts and opinions are incorrect. When I am feeling very bad emotions, I can’t always trust myself. I simply realise that something needs to be altered or done.

The NLP Technique for Negative Emotions:

1. I am aware of the first indication of a potential bad mood that I am unable to manage. For me, this is the result of my brain speeding up and being “tangled.” (This was something I had to learn.)
2. I tell myself to stop. (Within my mind.)
3. I turn my attention inward to my breathing. I don’t count, but it takes me around ten seconds to complete this. (Scientific proof demonstrates that counting to ten does, in fact, work.)
4. A) I make an effort to leave my body. I can’t do this all the time. If I can’t leave my body, I know how to physically get out of a sticky position; if another person is involved, I signal that I’ll be back to chat.
5. I leave my body, take back control of my mind, and start to feel it unwind itself. I take care of everything after that.

I take time to think about what I need to master next in order to control the negative emotion if I fail at the NLP approach and end up losing it. Both compassion for others and compassion for oneself are crucial.

After the incident is done, I am conscious of the fact that this cycle will persist unless I resolve or address the root reason that gave rise to the negative emotion in the first place; the hijacking will continue to affect my personal and/or professional life until I do so. It’s acceptable to not have the solution for how to solve it right away, but I must keep working on it to prevent a “Groundhog Day” of unhappy feelings.

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